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10 Things NOT To Do To or On a Bike

by RL Policar

1. Don’t spray WD-40 on any braking surfaces.
-If you do, you won’t be able to stop in time.

2. Don’t pee on it…well cuz’ it’s just wrong…

3. Don’t brag about how much you spent on your bling bling bike.
-You never know if a thief is listening…

4. Don’t wear cycling jerseys if you’re fat….It just doesn’t look right.

5. Don’t talk on a cell phone while riding your bike. It’s just dumb…

6. Don’t wear your helmet the wrong way.

7. Don’t leave your bike unlocked.
-duh!

8. Don’t do any intimate things on it…
-Bikes get jealous. They’ll breakdown on you because you “cheated” on them.

9. Don’t be a jerk while riding your bike.
-Bikes are peaceful things. With you being a jerk while riding it will cause it to break down or get a flat just to humble you and bring you back to earth.

The last and most important thing to NOT do to your bike….

10. Don’t just leave it in your garage….RIDE IT!
-If you don’t ride, your bike will tell your body to rebel and make you fat!

 
The Chariot Summer Sale - 2013

7 Responses to “10 Things NOT To Do To or On a Bike”

  1. Doug says:

    I love it…awesome. By the way…I never cheat on my bike.

  2. Nick says:

    “Don’t pee on your bike” is good advice, but have you ever seen someone peeing from their bike? I have. It was a Black Label member on the Queensboro bridge, riding on the right side of the path and peeing off to his left while riding. It took me a minute to figure out what the arc of liquid coming from his crotch was, and then I had to wait for the stream of pee to end before I could pass him. What’s the deal with that? I don’t want your urine on my tires. Just get off the bike and pee against a wall or something. And if you can’t get off your tall bike to pee, don’t ride a tall bike.

  3. Moe says:

    NicK: Pro riders pee from their bike ALL the time. Thankfully, we don’t see that stuff on TdF footage!

  4. RL Policar says:

    Did you know that if a Pro Rider has to poop or has the runs, the Sag support vehicle will hand them a towel and the rider shoves it down his shorts and does his business.

    Once they’re done, the support vehicle takes the towel away from him and the rider keeps going…

  5. Nick says:

    Yeah, guys, pros. In races. Where, if they stop to pee, they fall behind. This was a dude with dreds on a tallbike crossing the east river into Queens at about 12 mph. There’s no reason for it. What if I had been coming the other way? Would I have had to go under his arc? I don’t care what business you have in Queens, but it can’t be so urgent that one would have to pee from his saddle.

    At least now I can look back and be grateful the guy wasn’t trying to hand me a towel.

  6. I didn’t know that you had to be a Pro to pass the towel back… I’ve been doing that to my brother RL for years! ;) I’m sure some sort of editing would happen to this comment.

  7. Dan says:

    4. Don’t wear cycling jerseys if you’re fat”.It just doesn’t look right.

    That’s because no one makes bike clothing for those that aren’t thin! They say they do, but XXL items are just for tall people.

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