I’ll be heading down to Phoenix to worship at the alter of Celebrity. The alter is my mother’s big-screen television. The temple is her living room. The occasion is the Academy Awards ceremony.
And, like most or all of the guests, presenters, and nominees who will arrive at the event on Los Angeles in person, I’m going to Phoenix by car.
I’ve been trying to find someone to bike to The Oscars. I’ve concluded that I’m not very good at this motivating celebrities to do stuff game. Nobody has said yes, they will bike to The Oscars, but I did get one confirmed No. And that came second hand from the managing agent of Zach Galafianakis.
I sent the information to Galafianakis’ agent by e-mail. Being the kind of guy I am, I don’t like pestering people. (There’s a reason I’m not in sales, telemarketing, or evangelism.) I just waited. After several days had passed — and time was getting short — I called up and asked if Galafianakis had given the idea any thought. My message was in the agent’s spam.
I told him that Josef of Flying Pigeon Bikes in LA was standing by prepared to lend Zach and his date tux- and gown-friendly Pashley bikes. We could still make this happen.
Word came about an hour later that Galafianakis had other intentions for his arrival — presumably motorized intentions.
So as I watch the American Lobotomy Machine, I will be in the dark, as the light flickers on my slack, mouth-breathing face, wondering like anyone else inclined to wonder whether we’ll see an arrival by bicycle.
My only remaining hope is that Seven Rea’s piece on Philly.com about my campaign was picked up by a bunch of newspapers and Web sites all around the country.
Pins and needles.
The attention-grabbing name seems to be Bradley Cooper, who appeared in most of the headlines. (Although I particularly enjoyed seeing my name in proximity to that of Alice Cooper — and I never pass up an opportunity to mention that I went to the same high school as Alice Cooper.)
If nothing else, having all of these publications linking here is good for our search engine optimization.
Here is a selection of the publications where Rea’s piece was mentioned or republished. You can click through to any of them, but they’re all more or less the same.