I totally should have used the NASCAR example. People would have instantly understood here in NC!

With the greatest American celebrity bicyclist of all time morally crashing and burning in front of Oprah and millions of viewers, ALL of the celebrities are gonna avoid ANYTHING bicycle like the proverbial plague!

Too bad, really, because “bicyclist” Lance Armstrong has about as much in common with “bicyclist” BluesCat as “driver” Dale Earnhardt Jr. has in common with “driver” Ralph Kramden!

Okay, there’s no but.

You raise a good point, though. An entertainer who can’t ride and dismount elegantly probably ought to pass.

And the more I think about it, perhaps this should not be a big everyone-is-doing-it project — because anyone who doesn’t do it will feel like a schmuck, and we know how fragile the feelings of celebrities can be.

I like to imagine it as a low-key thing. So-and-so arrives bike bike, and an Academy bike valet steps forward to take their bike from them and walk it away — like it’s no big deal, and not deserving of much fanfare.

Wait. But these narcissists want nothing more than fanfare.

I’m really confused now.

Clearly this project will need a consultant anthropologist.